Parental Alienation Disorder

Parental Alienation Contact List

Dr. Jerry Brinegar
Phone: 706-202-9193
Email: Jerrybrinegar@earthlink.com
Website: http://www.drbrinegar.com

Jose Manuel Aguilar Cuenca
Forensic Psychologist Phone: 957 810 580
Email: elcorreode@jmaguilar.com
Website: http://www.jmaguilar.com

Dr. Katherine Andre
Ph.D. Email: andre@pacific.net
Website: http://www.parentalalienationsolutions.com

Dr. Amy Baker
Researcher Email: amyjlbaker@aol.com
Dr. Amy J.L. Baker
Researcher Email: amyjlbaker@aol.com
Website: http://www.amyjlbaker.com/

Dr. R. Christopher Barden
Ph.D.,J.D., L.P. Phone: 801-230-8328
Phone: E-Fax-253-663-6418
Email: rcbarden@mac.com

Dr. Michael Bone
Ph.D. Phone: (407) 645-0662
Phone: 407-645-0692
Email: jmbone@jmbconsuslting.org
Website: http://www.jmichaelbone.com/

David Britton
Mental Health Professional Phone: 310-372-4245
Email: DBMFT@aol.com
Website: http://www.beachpsych.com/

Dr. Barry Brody
Phone: 305-247-6767
Phone: 305-271-8019Email: drbrody@drbarrybrody.com
Website: http://www.drbarrybrody.com/

David Carico
Appellate Lawyer Phone: (888) 833-2820.
Website: http://www.californiaappellatecounsel.com

Dr, Stephen Ceci
Author, Researcher, Lecturer Website: http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/sjc9/

Theresa K. Cooke
FACES, INC Phone: 810-694-9558
Email: FACESTKC@aol.com
Website: http://www.FACESTKC.com

Lawrence W. Daly
One Daly Corporation Phone: (253) 852-6702
Email: lwdaly @comcast.net
Website: http://www.onedaly.com

Dr. Douglas Darnall
Phone: 330-759-2310
Phone: 330-759-2310
Email: douglas900@aol.com
Website: http://www.parentalalienation.com/

Dr. Robert Evans
Mental Health Professional Phone: 727-669-5707
Email: drbob@acenterforhumanpotential.com
Website: http://www.acenterforhumanpotential.com/

Debra Gordy
M.S. RET Phone: 970-226-8564
Phone: 253-369-7477
Email: debra@debragordyms.com

James J. Gross, Attorney at Law
Email: tgclawyers@smart.net
Website: http://www.mddivorcelawyers.com/

Charles D. Jamieson
Attorney At Law Phone: 561-478-0312
Email: cjamieson@jamiesonlaw.com
Website: http://www.cjamiesonlaw.com/

Dr. Randy Kolin
Clinical Psychologist Phone: 925-287-9656
Email: Randy_kolin@yahoo.com

Dr. Ken Lewis
Ph.D. Email: DrKenLewis@snip.net

Dr. LF Lowenstein
Ph.D. Phone: 44 (0) 238 069 2621
Email: ludwig.lowenstein@btinternet.com
Website: http://www.parental-alienation.info/

Dr. Jayne Major
Phone: 310-823-7846
Email: jaynemajor@breakthroughtparentingservices.org
Website: http://www.breakthroughparenting.com/PAS.htm

Christina McGheeDivorce Coach & Parent Educator Phone: 979-865-4287
Email: christinamcghee@divorceandchildren.com
Website: http://www.divorceandchildren.com/

Dr. Marty Mckay
Ph.D., C. Psych., ABPP Phone: (416) 580-9570
Email: drmjmckay@hotmail.com

Deborah Moskovitch
Divorce Consultant Email: deborah@thesmartdivorce.com
Website: http://www.thesmartdivorce.com/main.html

Jeff Opperman
Author Email: jeff@HugstoHeartbreak.com
Website: http://afamilysheartbreak.com/

Dr. Randy Rand
Ed.D., Forensic Psychologist Phone: (415) 485-5991
Email: rand@CASEassist.com
Website: http://caseassist.com/

Dr. Kathleen Reay
Phone: 250-276-9467
Email: drkathleenreay@gmail.com
Website: http://parentalalienationhelp.org/

Dr. Daniel Rybicki
Psy.D., DABPS Phone: 253-858-8850
Email: dryb6354@earthlink.net
Website: http://www.danielrybicki.com/

Dr. S. Richard Sauber
PhD, Diplomates in Clinical and Family Psychology, Phone: 561- 482- 9470
Phone: 561- 482-9471
Email: rsauber@bellsouth.net

Harvey Shapiro
Ed. D, Investigator Phone: 707-453-0388
Email: Shapiro@caseassist.com
Website: http://caseassist.com/

Dr. Reena Sommer
Ph.D. Phone: 281-534-3923
Email: drreena@comcast.net
Website: http://www.reenasommerassociates.mb.ca/

Dr. Catherine Swanson Cain
Ph.D., LMFT Phone: 931-296-9813
Email: catherinecain@bellsouth.net
Website: http://www.pediatricbehavior.com

Dr. W. vonBoch-Galhau
Phone: 49 931 359 2133(AB)
Email: praxis@drvboch.de
Website: http://www.drvboch.de/

Dr. Richard A Warshak
Ph.D. Phone: 972-248-7700
Email: warshak@att.net
Website: http://www.warshak.com/

Dr. Monty Weinstein
Phone: 718-382-1293
Email: DrMonty1@aol.com
Website: http://www.familyunity.com/index.htm

Canadian Symposium for Parental Alienation Syndrome

Parental Alienation: Dead or Alive in the DSM-5?

Reposted with permission. For original article, click here

Here’s what I love about the internet — shopping, booking vacations and connecting with people all over the world.

Here’s what I hate about the internet – bloggers who believe they’re channeling Edward R. Murrow, Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein in every post and their readers who faithfully repeat what’s written as fact.

I was recently reminded of the latter when I read a colleague’s rant about the American Psychiatric Association’s (APA) “cowardly decision” not to include parental alienation in the DSM-5. When I pointed out that the APA hadn’t yet decided whether or not to include parental alienation in the upcoming edition of its bible, my colleague gave me the name of the blogger who reported the news and asked, “How could she write it if it weren’t true?”

As Elizabeth Barrett Browning once said, “Let me count the ways.”

While my contribution to the proposal, Parental Alienation, DSM-5 and ICD-11, was probably the least significant input from the 60-plus authors who collaborated on project, my effort does qualify me for regular, and accurate, updates as the proposal winds its way through the review process. So here’s the truth about the current status of parental alienation and the DSM-5:

In the next few months, members of the DSM-5 Task Force and the Childhood and Adolescent Disorders Work Group will make their final recommendations to the APA Board of Trustees. The Task Force has already signaled that it probably won’t recommend listing parental alienation under the Mental Disorder category. However, being classified as a mental disorder is not the only door into the DSM. The APA could list parental alienation as an example of a relational problem or a shared psychotic disorder. The APA could also list parental alienation as a subtype of another relational problem. The professional organization could even include parental alienation as an issue that needs further study. Bottom line — the fat lady not only isn’t singing, she hasn’t even started warming up.

So enjoy the internet. Go shopping, look for videos of kittens doing adorable things, even tell us what you’re cooking for dinner if you must. Just don’t believe everything you read. Murrow hasn’t filed a story in a long time.

You Might Be An Alienated Parent If…  (by Monika)

You might be an alienated parent if your four-year old reports, “dad says he gives your new marriage two years—and I agree with him.”

You might be an alienated parent if your seven-year old reports, “ I know the law; just wait till I am of age; I will tell the judge where I want to live.  We are asking for full custody.”

You might be an alienated parent if your child removes household items such as DVDs, electronics, etc. Then, when confronting the child, he / she reports “I feel sorry for dad (or mom) they live alone and cannot make ends meet.” “We pawned the items (mom/dad) get over it.”

You might be an alienated parent if your five-year old reports they no longer have to obey your  rules because “dad ( or mom) says so.” And “we think your rules are dumb.”

You might be a distressed and an alienated parent if your ex-partner refuses to co-parent and constantly belittles you to your child.

You might be a distressed and an alienated parent if your child complains about the meals you cook. But they don’t stop at complaining.  Instead,  they trash dinner. They call the other parent and report that “there is no decent food in the home.”

You might be a distressed and an alienated parent if you kindly ask your ex-spouse to please cease badmouthing. You point out that constant badmouthing is not in the child’s best interest. But, you discover they refuse to stop.

You might be a distressed and an alienated parent if your ex-spouse and his (or her) family do not understand the concept of boundaries. They share adult matters with adolescents and  actually seek your adolescents advice. This is evidenced by your adolescent reporting, “yeah dad (or mom) and I have a good time; we talked about the reason his third girlfriend moved out.” And, “geez, mom (or dad) I sure feel so very sorry for her (or him).”   And, as a consequence, your child is in constant distress. You understand this, but your ex-spouse and family do not;  they have the same  mentality as your adolescent. You wonder if insurance companies are the only ones that catch on, as full brain development does not stop at age 16. Insurance rates drop about age 25.

You might be a distressed and an alienated parent if you tell your eight year old they cannot watch the exorcist movie, rated R.  Your eight year old informs you, “fine, I will watch the movie with (dad or mom) they will let me”…and the parent actually will.

You might be a distressed and an alienated parent if your eight-year old child develops nightmares after watching  movies. You explain to your child that they should not watch such movies while at the other parent’s home. The child insists that “they are more mature than you understand.”  Being the good co-parent you are, you call up your ex-spouse and discuss (or your try to discuss) that it is not  a good idea to let the child view R rated movies. You are told, “ I am with them, what’s the harm; you are too strict.” Besides, “it’s my home when the child is with me.”  And… you are not going to tell me how to raise my (son or daughter).

You might be a distressed and an alienated parent if you report these events but are informed, “ emotional abuse is hard to prove.” The next question, “is your child physically abused?” No you reply. Well, says the helper, “go read a good parenting book.” That day you read an advocacy group’s stance that your issue–the emotional abuse of your child, is not a “real” problem because children would not reject a parent without a good reason. Coercive control only works with grown adults, not susceptible children, right?

You might be distressed, disgruntled, and an alienated parent if you attempt to seek help for your child.  Some say parental alienation is not a “real problem” that it is nothing more than a “normal reaction to a divorce.” Your advice is to “ take the high-road, most children will outgrow alienation.”

You might be a distressed, disgruntled, and an alienated parent if you end back up in  court to enforce orders that are not followed. Your co-parent refuses to adhere to any parenting plan or other mandates—he or she is above the law. They refuse to return the children on time or assist with paying for school lunches.  You are informed, “you just need to get along with your co-parent.” You try to explain that you have bent over backwards in trying to work with your ex-spouse. You may start to think that they have “Heard one case, so they have heard them all.”

You might be a distressed, disgruntled, down-trodden and an alienated parent if the experience of parental alienation has occurred for over 15 years. In fact, it went on for so long, one or more of your children no longer will speak with you. You scratch your head wondering if the brand new car (dad or mom) said they could have if they tore up your property and moved in with them, had anything to do with your child’s change of heart.   

You might be a distressed, disgruntled, down-trodden and an alienated parent if you attempt to explain the situation but others scratch their head, suspiciously question you, and reply “well… some kids are resilient to badmouthing and brainwashing—wonder why your child is not?”

You might be a distressed, disgruntled, down-trodden and an alienated parent if you did the best you could.  No you were not perfect. But,  you were at least an average parent. You know your day-to-day routine would be okay if you were still married.  But once the campaign of denigration started, you had to become almost a perfect parent. You grew a little weary.

Resources:

Parental Alienation Awareness Organization

Dr. Richard Warshak

Parental Alienation

 What Would I Think, How Would I Act?

The Alienated Child

By Cindy L. Corsi

Parents abuse their children emotionally by working to prevent or break the bond the child has with the other parent. In today’s society, both fathers and mothers are the perpetrators. Sometimes both parents manipulate the child, but often it is only one trying to pull the child onto their side while the other parent is left trying to hang on to the relationship. When children are subjected to this type of abuse early on, they lose their childhood. They become reporters, spies and alienators themselves. Entitlement and dangerous empowerment are weaved into their character. The ill-minded behavior of the twisted parent (and others associated with) manipulates the child to join their intense campaign against the other parent. The stress this puts on the child is immense. They begin to suppress feelings for the parent they are being torn from (target parent) resulting in them joining the campaign. Many parents have lost their children forever as a result. This is not the result of a fight or conflict between the parent and the child; it is a result of brainwashing!   Because of the pressures associated with alienation, it has been reported that some children have committed murder and suicide.  

Put yourself in the shoes of this alienated child who has been denied to feel and accept the love of her mother and to be able to give her love. Please read it all.

If I were this child and saw my stepmother had crossed off my mom’s name from my kindergarten folder what would I think…

If I was a small child at the age of three and my father was walking me up my driveway to mommy’s house saying “Just two more days here then you are back with us,” what would I think?

If I was a four years old and heard my father blame my mommy because I caught a cold at preschool, what would I think?

 If I was this child who was put in the bathtub right after I was picked up from my mommy’s house, what would I think?

If I was this child that was told I could not bring my belongings to my mommy’s house because they would get dirty or ruined, what would I think?

If I was this child and heard my step mother tell a friend of the family that my mommy was dirty, what would I think?

If I was this child and was told that child support money should be spent on whatever I wanted, what would I think, how would I act?

If I was told to call my daddy and step mom while at my mommy’s house in the wintertime to ask them how I should dress to go outside and play, what would I think?

If I was in first grade and my daddy, step mom, and extended family told me at the age of 12 I can choose to live with them, what would I think?  How would I act?

If I was this child and my daddy told me that if my mommy did not have me at the meeting place on time she would be arrested by the police, what would I think, how would I act?

If I was this child being mouthy to my mom and she squeezed me behind my neck, I told my dad and I heard my dad tell her that if she ever touched me again he would have me arrested, what would I think, how would I act?

 If I was this small child and my mommy asked a neighborhood mom to watch me for a couple hours while taking a college class and my step mother told me she did not trust my mommy because she got a babysitter “all of the time,” what would I think, how would I act?

If I was this child and  my daddy told me that my mommy did not attend my school play, did not care about me, even though when I asked mommy about it, she said she was there and even knew what I was wearing that night, what would I think, how would I act?

If I was this child who learned that complaining about my mommy pleased my daddy, step mom and their family and they all joined in with me, even rewarded me, what would I think, how would I act?

If my mommy and I had a special beauty day in the form of hair cuts, then my daddy and step mom told me my bangs were crooked, what would I think,  how would I act?

If I was this child excited to show my father a Halloween costume my mommy made and he commented, “There is glue on the wing,” then bought me a different costume to wear, what would I think?

If I was a child and my father told me to call my mommy after a school function and lie to her about something the principal never said, what would I think, how would I act?

If I was this child and went to the store to pick out a new book bag with my mom, then went to my dad’s and they took me to buy another one, what would I think; how would I act?

If I was this child and my daddy and family bought me a new bedroom set, a TV, a phone, game boy, clothes, a mini bike and more for Christmas, what would I think, how would I act?

If I was this child and my daddy and step mom sent food and drinks with me to my mommy’s house, what would I think?

If I was a child and told my father that I went to a different church and he told me it was not a church, what would I think, how would I act? (even though he had never been brought up in faith as a child)

If I went to the dentist with my mommy and was the best little patient, getting my first tooth pulled but then my father and step mom took me to another dentist and told me that the dentist mom took me to did not know what he was doing, what would I think, how would I act?

If I was this child and my mom called my dad’s house to see how I was feeling and my step mom answered the phone and in a very angry voice said, “Your mother’s on the phone,” what would I think, how would I act?

 If I was a teen told to cut the grass with mom’s supervisions and right before I did it my dad called and said my foot was going to get cut off, what would I think, how would I act?

If I was a teen asked to find out my mom’s income tax information right before a support hearing, and I did, what would I think, how would I act?

If I was this young teen and my dad took me to the court house for a child support meeting, what would I think, how would I act?

If I was this teen and was told that my mom made me change schools even though the conciliator made the decision after examining the facts, what would I think, how would I act?

If I was a child, when with my father, ignored my mom (at stores, soccer games,) but then when at her house had friends over, bonfires, etc… , how would this affect me, what would I think?

If I was a teen and got in trouble at school and my dad supported my harassing behavior toward another teen girl by taking my side and joining in on the name calling, what would I think,  how would I act?

If I was a teen mouthing off and swearing and my step mom told my father not to scold me because she said, “that is how she was raised,” what would I think, how would I act?

If I was a teen and every time I did not get my way I complained about my mom and I then was allowed to hear him cal her and yell at her,  what would I think, how would I act?

If I complained to my father and stepmom that there was not the right kind of cereal at HER house and they brought me a bag of groceries for her house, what would I think?

If I was this teen and witnessed the stepmother back her body into my mom then accuse my mom of hitting her, what would I think, how would I act?

If I was driving age and about to enter college and in order to have my car I had to live at my dad’s house, how would I act?

If I was this child, no doubt I would put in my mind to mistrust, even hate my mom because my dad and step mom and their family must know what they are talking about, for they love me. I would eventually succeed at pulling away from my mom because I know that some day I will not have a relationship with her for I have been told that I will be able to choose not to and the courts feel I am old enough to run away from what I have been brainwashed not to like.  I would build walls to protect me from the hurt when this happens and I would remain loyal to the ones who give me everything and remain in my court no matter what I do or say. .

If I was this child I would create conflict with my mom so she would want to give up and let me go live where I am suppose to live. I would set the stage as often as I could and even go as far as bump into her and then call the police to say she hit me to prove that she is no good like they say. For I would help them prove it.

If I was this child I would tell my mom” you deserve to be arrested,” after knowing my dad called to threaten her. Why not feel this way; it is exactly how my dad’s mom feels about her, my paternal grandmother.  

If I was this child, when my mom picked me up for her time with me I would not sit in the front with her, nor would I walk beside her if I saw my dad and stepmother in public.

If I was this child, I would demand material items from her because my dad gives her money. I have even been to the court house and even though the time I was there my mom cut the support in half, I still think she is nasty.  I would have an un-grateful heart for the things she buys because none of it is from her anyway. I would continue to receive but never give, including special occasions. It is all about what I get. The universe revolves around me at my dad’s house and always will.

If I was this child, I would not allow my mom to hug me and I would never tell her I love her again. Loving her would mean I am disloyal to my dad and stepmother. I would also not share anything fun or special that happens at my mom’s because that is not what I have been trained to do or say.  

If I was this child, I would not try not to touch things at my mom’s house, I would put toilet paper on the seat, wipes my hands if I accidentally touched her and not sleep on the sheets that are on the bed that once belonged to her.

If I was this child I would not receive calls from my mom at my dad’s in a welcome manner. I would be snide and nasty, and say, “What do you want and why are you calling here, you are wasting my time!” then understand that she does not care because she does not call while I am at my dad’s very often. And when I call her I will not refer to her as “mom.”  

If I was this child, I would block out any joyful, happy memories from the past and prevent any in the present, for that would be a violation. I would limit extra information to her, including school, getting my period, friends, dances and more.

If I was this child, I would resent my mom for making me change schools, because my dad and family told me it was her fault. I would have a hard time truly enjoying my school experience because deep down I would be holding onto resentment that has been planted there.

If I was this child it would be to my benefit to keep feeding my dad and step mom what they want to hear. It would become natural to me to do this because of their feedback, similar to Pavlov’s dog experiments.

If I was this child I would often deny that my mom is my mom. I would not acknowledge Mother’s Day, her birthday, Christmas or any other day that offers a chance to care. I would take from her and her family but never give in return.

If I was this child the message that she does not provide for me would come in loud and clear.

If I was this child, I would begin to hate the rest of my mom’s  family, even my older brother and my grandmother who took care of me and loved me all throughout my life. For when I have mentioned them in the past, my paternal family knows that they are also no good.  Pushing them away in a hateful manner will only make the separation easier in the future. No real loss for me.

If I was this child I would feel empowered but then feel confused. The confusion could lead to drugs or promiscuity, obsessive behaviors or even violence. I would not understand why I felt so much conflict inside.  I would spend a large portion of my life depressed.

If I was this child, I would hang onto hate and un-forgiveness, for that is what I have been taught through words and actions by people who are suppose to love and guide me in the right direction.

If I was this child, their antics would in fact work on me but it would cost me a lot because it would be based on emotional abuse and until I sought help to understand why people that are suppose to love me acted this way, and until they admitted they were wrong, I will struggle with relationships with myself and others.

If I was this child, even though I witnessed my stepmother trying to set my mother up, I would find a way to blame my mom for the incident, for my truth is truth.

Parental Alienation is un-like physical abuse because it is pre-meditated. The motive is to sever a relationship(s). Parents who emotionally abuse their children in this way often talk themselves into believing that they are acting in the best interest of the child. They convince themselves, the child, and even the courts that the other parent is incompetent or even dangerous.

Parental alienation is child abuse. Parents who continually brainwash their children need help. It is an addiction that scars a child for a lifetime. When judges, mediators are uneducated in the damaging effects of PAS on a child, and condone alienating behavior, they become part of the child abuse. They have the power to help but……..

“The only solution as I see it is, like any addiction, the alienating parent  must get the proper help, admit he or she was wrong,  then openly confess to their child their destructive motives and behavior.   Then and only then will the child have a chance to heal.” _______ Cindy L. Corsi

Books:

“Divorce Poison” by Dr. Richard Warshak

“Adult Children of Alienation Syndrome,” by Dr. Amy Baker

“A Kidnapped Mind,” by  Pamela Richardson

Web Sites :

 http://www.parental-alienation-awareness.com/awarness-letters.asp

hugstoheartbreak.com    helpstoppas.com

Other  People  to Search:

Dr. Michael Bone           Dr. Amy Baker         Dr. Richard Warshak

Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) Task Force on Parenting Coordination. (2006). Guidelines for parenting coordination. Family Court Review,44, 164–181.

Austin, Jr., R. B. (2006). PAS as a child against self. In R. A. Gardner, S. R. Sauber, & D. Lorandos (Eds.), The international handbook of parental alienation syndrome, conceptual, clinical and legal considerations (pp. 56–64). Springfield, IL: Charles C. Thomas.

Baker, A. J. L. (2005). The long-term effects of parental alienation on adult children: A qualitative research study. American Journal of Family Therapy, 33(4), 289–302.

Baker, A. J. L. (2005). The cult of parenthood: A qualitative study of parental alienation. Cultic Studies Review, 4(1),

Baker, A. J. L. (2005). Parent alienation strategies: A qualitative study of adults who experienced parental alienation as a child. American Journal of Forensic Psychology, 23(4), 41–63.

Baker, A. J. L. (2006). The power of stories/stories about power: Why therapists and clients should read stories about the parental alienation syndrome. American Journal of Family Therapy, 34(3), 191–203.

Baker, A. J. L. (2006). Patterns of parental alienation syndrome: A qualitative study of adults who were alienated from a parent as a child. American Journal of Family Therapy, 34(1), 63–78.

Baker, A. J. L. (2007). Knowledge and attitudes about the parental alienation syndrome: A survey of custody evaluators. American Journal of Family Therapy, 35(1), 1–19.

Baker, A. J. L. (2007). Adult children of parental alienation syndrome: Breaking the ties that bind. New York: W. W. Norton & Co. Baker, A. J. L. (2010). Adult recall of parental alienation in a community sample: Prevalence and associations with psychological maltreatment. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 51(1), 16–35.

Baker, A. J. L., & Andre, K. (2008). Working with alienated children and their targeted parents. Annals of the American Psychotherapy Association, 11(2), 10–17.

Baker, A. J. L., & Darnall, D. (2006). Behaviors and strategies employed in parental alienation: A survey of parental experiences. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 45(1–2), 97–124.

Baker, A. J. L., & Darnall, D. (2007). A construct study of the eight symptoms of severe parental alienation syndrome: A survey of parental experiences. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 47(1–2), 55–75.

Baldwin, A., & Tabb, M. (2008). A promise to ourselves: A journey through fatherhoodand divorce. New York: St. Martin’s Press.

Barber, B. K. (1996). Parental psychological control: Revisiting a neglected construct. Child Development, 67(6), 3296–3319.

Benedek, E. P., & Schetky, D. H. (1985). Allegations of sexual abuse in child custody and visitation disputes. In E. P. Benedek and D. H. Schetky (Eds.), Emerging issues in child psychiatry and the law (pp. 145–156). New York: Brunner/Mazel.

Benedek, E. P., & Schetky, D. H. (1987). Problems in validating allegations of sexual abuse: Part 1, Factors affecting perception and recall of events. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 26(6), 912– 915.

Bernet, W. (1993). False statements and the differential diagnosis of abuse allegations. Journal of American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 32(5), 903–910.

Bernet, W. (1995). Children of divorce: A practical guide for parents, attorneys, & therapists. New York: Vantage.

Bernet, W. (1997). Case study, allegations of abuse created in a single interview.Journal of American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 36(7), 966– 970.

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 Leona Kopetski,  a Social Worker (MSSW ). She was not aware of Gardner’s work. As a custody evaluator, she described the very same phenomenon observed by Gardner.

Kopetski reported on 84 serious PAS cases from a sample of 413 court ordered custody evaluations in Colorado (63). The assessments were conducted by the Family and Children’s Evaluation Team (FCET), of which Kopetski was a member. Their protocol included structured interviews of each parent, obtaining developmental histories for the children, observations of parent-child interaction and individual evaluation of the child. Beginning in 1988, formal psychological testing of the parents was performed for all cases in which there were allegations of abuse, neglect, or a parent was seeking to restrict or exclude the other parent’s contact with the child. Prior to learning of Gardner’s work, the team independently came to very similar conclusions. Kopetski characterizes PAS as a form of psychosocial pathology in which a parent psychologically exploits the child and appropriates social systems in order to achieve alienation. The team’s formulations reflect a social influence model and Clawar and Rivlin’s work is referenced. Bowlby’s attachment theories were found to be the most useful for understanding PAS. The team concurred with Bowlby’s observation that “strong” or “intense” parent-child attachments are not necessarily healthy ones.

Parental Alienation: Refined, Reformulated & Rationalized: You Might Be An Average, Okay Normal Parent.

It is an unfortunate time we are in when mental abuse of children remains disregarded. Parental Alienation has been described in the literature for at least 60 years (Bernet, 2008). I hope that for the sake of children all over the world, another 60 years will not pass.  The media has distorted Parental Alienation; extremist groups have made attempts to divide the issue into gender wars. I agree with Fidler & Bala (2010), “…the feminist advocates who, in the name of helping women, deny that alienation exists, do a disservice to not only the many mothers who are unjustifiably alienated from their children, and often by abusive men, but more importantly do a disservice to the children.”Probably the nastiest misrepresentations are those that relate Parental Alienation solely to the person who coined the term, Dr. Gardner.  

It is regrettable that many cannot read past Gardner’s finding during the tender year’s presumption and his studies of high-conflict custody cases. It is also fateful that there is not a consensus among professionals; nevertheless, I concur with Bernet (2008) that the proposal should not be rejected due to a lack of consensus. He notes that, “the history of psychology and psychiatry is full of disagreements over causation.” Luckily, there is an agreement that parent-child alienation is a common and serious problem for some [italics added] separating parents (Jaffe, Ashbourne, & Mamo, 2010). This group designated as “some”, is the group I would clearly identify as high conflict. According the Center for Divorce Education, this group of divorcing parents consists of 10%. These authors also point out, that the current debate is centered on extreme cases. Commons sense tells us these extreme cases merit attention. It seems reasonable that Parental Alienation is considered “high-conflict.” I am not aware personally, or in literature reviews, of divorced couples that co-parent affectionately while simultaneously slandering each other in the presence of their children.

Out of a response to criticism, Parental Alienation has been refined, reformulated, and at times, rationalized. I am appreciative that professionals in the field are working on this dreadful issue. Nevertheless, in light of all the connotations, an extensive review of the literature reveals that Parental Alienation has been conceptualized similarly by different researchers. Although, as a caveat, most do not openly acknowledge their findings are analogous to Gardner’s. Parental Alienation, as described by Wallerstein & Kelly (1976), is when a child living with one parent who irrationally rejects the other parent and refuses to visit or have contact with that other parent .Explanations come back to Gardner’s original definition of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Gardner in 1985 discussed this high-conflict group and noted, “It is the child’s campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming parent’s indoctrination and the child’s own contribution to the vilification of the target parent.”  And here is where the problem begins. All of these conceptualizations’ entail what many consider as black and white thinking.  

Is irrational alienation possible? Is it probable for one parent to trigger a campaign against an ex-spouse and align his or her child? According to Fidler and Bala (2010)”this is not an either/or proposition; there are abused children and there are alienated children.” The authors additionally note that to portray rejected parents as victims is to resist “scrutiny of the conduct of these parents.” Clearly, I agree there are alienated children and abused children. And, I suggest, that both issues  should be taken very seriously. These issues however are separate considerations. True abuse and neglect should be ruled out before giving a diagnosis of parental alienation disorder. Gardner and other researches include criteria for differentiating between Parental Alienation and Bona Fide abuse-neglect. It seems likely that experts can differentiate between abuse and Parental Alienation. “Gardner’s definition is clear enough for psychologists to reliably diagnose PAS from case examples” (Rueda, 2004). It also is possible that one parent can develop animosity because of the input from one parent. Without a doubt, …”[sic] it is common for each parent to express negative sentiments about the other parent…” (Fidler & Bala, 2010). However, I think it is possible that one parent can vent to a friend, counselor, or another adult while the alienating parent “expresses negative sentiments about the other parent to the child.” Who do you vent to?

Clearly, educational efforts are needed as some parents do not know that voicing frustrations to their child may not be in their best interests. On the other hand, there are actually parents who appreciate that disparaging remarks about an ex-spouse is not a good idea. But, we ponder, let us get the bottom of our ex-spouses pain, “The real issue which needs to be addressed is the conflict between the parents that prevents the children from enjoying a meaningful relationship with each of their parents post separation” (Jaffe, Ashbourne, & Mamo, 2010). I do not know about the reader, but to get to the bottom of my ex-spouses anger, I would have had to stay married.   Some parents cannot move on past the pain of a divorce, “It is the embattled parent, often the one who opposes the divorce in the first place, who initiates and fuels the alignment (Wallerstein & Kelly, 1980). What about you, do you as a rejected parent have serious parenting deficits? No worries, you may be average with regular parenting faults, similar to the married population that regularly making parenting mistakes.

Is it not possible that the parent who opposes the divorce could start a campaign of denigration? I know when I initiated my divorce, I was told, “if you leave I will make your life a living hell.”  It is also an immense error to assume that all rejected parents cannot be victims. To think that all rejected parents must have played a role, renders that rejected parents get what they deserve. (Warshak, 2003).  Intent or no intent, some parents spew venomous words and poison the mind of his or her child. I agree that some parents could benefit from parenting educational programs that teaches about children’s developmental stages, birth order, gender identification and the adverse outcome of badmouthing. As a caveat; one has to care. Kelly (2010) points out, favored parents often are noncompliant with court orders. What about your ex-spouse, does he or she comply with court orders? Should valuable workshops that offer services to severely alienated children offer programs for the favored parent? According to Warshak & Otis (2010), favored parents often deny they have a problem [sic] and are unmotivated to change. Years ago after my divorce, I suggested joint counseling, but the suggestion was ridiculed.  What about your ex-spouse? Do they want [italics added] to change?

Do not be surprised if you ex-spouse does not change nor desire to change. A shrewd college professor recently reminded me, of the old adage; leopards do not change their spots. Findings indicate this may be true. As noted by Jaffe et al. (2010), “a minority of parents who suffer from personality and mental disorders may ignore the court and spend their waking hours finding ways to exhaust the other parent emotionally and financially.”  If you are a target parent hope remains. Some research indicates that being an adequate loving parent might be good enough. It may be that rejected parents simply have a difficult ex-spouse. And do not worry; you may also be psychologically healthy (although, getting a little mad at this point is understandable). Contrary to what might easily be assumed by professionals, findings by Hedrick & Dunne, (1994) suggest that PAS does not necessarily signify dysfunction in the rejected parent.  Gordon, Stoffey & Bottinelli (2008) also had comparable findings. They noted that target parents were similar in dynamics to an “average parent”. Target parents,   if you find yourself distressed by your children refusing visitation, sudden hatred, or reporting ideas and notions beyond their years; you may be normal.

There is power in hope; and in knowing you are not alone.  “We consider Parental Alienation Syndrome as a childhood disorder caused by an alienating parent…” (Gordon et. al). Lastly, the magnification of this problem is realized, “if a child begins to develop racial hatred, many reasonable people would consider this a problem worthy of attention. When children suffer from irrational anxieties that interfere with functioning we do not ignore the suffering with the hope that eventually the fears will be overcome” (Warshak, 2003). Once I was reminded that hatred by a child towards one parent is similar to prejudice, and that parental alienation is a social problem.   Divorce is a social problem; creating and instilling fear in the hearts and minds of innocent children and turning them against a once-loved parent is pathological. Which lens do you wear? As I recall, not all social problems resolve without intervention. And please, do not think silence is always golden. Nor is it helpful to count on your case of Parental Alienation resolving by the time your child turns 18; this may not be the case. The fact is, some social problems are internalized [italics added] and subsequently develop into disorders. Without recognition and intervention, Parental Alienation will adversely affect generations to come.

Articles such as Burwell’s: Be careful what you say to your children undermines the hell that alienated parents endure and mocks the pain of children. Clearly, a little clarification is needed. Richard Gardner did not develop Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). He coined the term. Richard Gardner provided us with a name to the nightmare. He labeled what parents live through all over the world. He named what the media distorts and some professionals deny.  True, this theory “ignited a hotbox of controversy still burning today.” It is also right that, “Battle lines were drawn between men and women’s groups, courts, professionals and even governments.”  The division however does not nullify the existence. PAS is controversial due to a lack of education and media distortions.

Noting that, “no professional association has recognized it” is far from the truth. What many refer to claiming that it is not recognized, translates to “PAS is not real because it is not in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” (DSM). True, PAS is not in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Yet, it is only logical to consider that the DSM is not a test of whether a disorder exists (Gardner, Sauber, & Lorandos, 2002). Asperger’s syndrome, as only one example, took 37 years before inclusion into the DSM.  The cluster of behaviors by those living with Aspergers did not suddenly appear the day the DSM included Asperger’s. Similar to PAS, the behavior patterns manifested by those living with Asperger’s, occurred long before someone gave Asperger’s a name and formally recognized it as treatment worthy.

Sure, Gardner has received much criticism. As well, so did Freud and many others that observed similar patterns and subsequently coined a term and created theories. In regards to Parental Alienation, it is not true that studies are lacking. There are currently over 200 studies. And no, the studies are not exclusively performed by Gardner. Yes, it should be “very important to watch what you say and do in front of your children.” However, Parental Alienation stems far beyond a few bad words exchanged between hostile parents. Lastly, when true parental abuse and/or neglect are present, the child’s rejection is justified. In the case of parental alienation, a child rejects a parent when physical and sexual abuse is absent. The rejection is unwarranted. A child is brainwashed to hate the other parent.  Parental Alienation is mental abuse.

 An Epidemic in this Country and around the World: False Allegations of             
 physical, sexual and psychological abuse by  Joan T. Kloth-Zanard, RSS, LC

There is an epidemic in this country and around the world of people filing
 false allegations of abuse, including filing false allegations of PAS.
 PAS is real, but when someone tries to abuse the system and file a false
 allegation of it, it is the same as filing a false allegation of physical
 or sexual abuse. The people filing these false allegations are no better
 than the people who have truly committed these crimes. In both cases,
 they have destroyed the lives of innocent people.

 But who is actually to blame for all these false allegations? Is it the
 person filing it, or their ruthless attorney, who tells them that the only
 way to win everything in a divorce and custody case is to claim that they
 were abused or that PAS is being used. When an attorney says to his
 client, “So did your ex ever touch you inappropriately? ” Well, hell, they
 are married, how else would they have sex and be intimate? When an
 attorney says, “So did your ex ever hit you, even accidentally?” Well,
 hell, things happen by mistake, but to take that and twist it into abuse
 is an entirely wrong, let alone unethical. Why are these attorneys’s
 allowed to lie and deceive just to win a case? This should be illegal
 with serious charges including disbarment. These attorney’s will stop at
 nothing to win a case, even if it means destroying innocent lives,
 including the children’s. And worse, some of these attorney’s are so
 unscrupulous that they will create high conflict in a divorce just to ensure that they
 have a huge money making case.

 So how do I fit into this mix. I have spent more than 12 years working
 with true victims of Parental Alienation Syndrome, so when I am called
 about a case of false allegations of PAS, my skin starts to prickle and my
 insides turn inside out. PAS is real, but to abuse it and file false
 allegations helps no one and instead actually damages the situation for
 the true victims. It is much like filing a false allegation of sexual or
physical abuse. It takes time, money, and resources away from the true
abuse victims while making a mockery of the seriousness of this type of
 abuse. This is NOT okay.

 Recently, I was called to work with a woman who was falsely accused of
 PAS. After hearing her story, and what her husband, her husband’s
 attorney and her attorney’s did, it was quite apparent that this was part
 of the good ol’ boys network and the father went right along with it. If
 there had truly been PAS going on, then why did the mother insist that her
 son have a relationship with his father, even going as far as to make
 expensive arrangements for them to spend time together? In addition, if
 the father truly felt he was being alienated, then why did the father
 allow his attorney to get the courts to award him all of his sons
 possessions, including his car? A truly alienated father would never have
 taken this from his son, especially not his car, because then how would
 his son ever come to visit him on his own? And a truly alienated father
 would have made sure that his son’s possessions remained his possessions
 and not taken them for
 himself.

 Furthermore, in this case, it is quite apparent that the judge and
 attorney’s were in cahoots. They would not even let the mother have her
 due time to present her case, let alone her witnesses. Neither the
 attorney’s nor the judge had any solid evidence of Parental Alienation
 Syndrome tactics going on, except to say that once the son’s personal
 belongings were taken from him and the son and his mother were sent into
 financial ruin, unable to support themselves, that the son hated his
 father. Yet, the mother never stopped encouraging a relationship between
 the two. She never badmouthed the father to the son. So how is this
 parental alienation?

 In addition, it seems that when this divorce started, there was no issue
 of custody or division of property. It only became an issue when the two
 attorneys got together and decided they were not making enough money on
 this simple divorce case. So they through a monkey wrench into it and
 told the courts that there was a custody issue that never existed. But
 despite both parents trying to rectify this situation, somewhere along the
 line, the father got dragged into the drama of these attorney’s and their
 game and became a willing participant, including absconding with his own
 son’s belongings.

 This is NOT okay. This is not helping families. This is making a mockery
 of our courts and the system that is supposed to protect the true victims
 of abuse. Serious charges should be filed against all of these attorney’s
 and the judge for their misconduct and unethical behavior.