An Alienated Mother’s Story
December 14, 2009
posted by Monika (not the author)
I’d like to start this blog entry by saying that everything worked out for me in the end, but it didn’t. My story of parental alienation continues, sadly.
I was married back in the early eighties. My husband was a drug pusher and cheater, and that’s why I finally divorced him. Well, he also abused me physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. He cheated on me on our honeymoon, if you can believe it. So, after my patience and tolerance ran out after about three years of misery and infidelity, I left him, taking our two small kids with me.
And the hell began. He and his mother began lying about me, taking me to court and filling the judges ears with lie after lie. My ex even had some of his drug pusher buddies ready to testify against me (liars!). When my kids went to visit him and his mom, they always came back hating me. They cried and screamed when they saw me, while my ex and his mom grinned and maintained it was because of me.
Of course this was way before parental alienation was well-known in divorce circles. I didn’t know how to combat what was going on, and I was confused as to what was really going on. I knew my ex and his mom were brainwashing the kids, but it still baffled me. After the screaming and crying, the kids returned to my home, and after a day or so all was well. The kids returned to loving me and treating me with respect and honor.
But next visitation, the scenario would happen again: the kids would leave my presence happy and healthy, and come back hating me. It got worse over the years, and my ex and his mom got worse over the years. They took me to court for everything imaginable (crazy stuff like where I went to church, my daughter getting lice at school along with other classmates, me going to college, etc.), draining my meager finances and lying to judge after judge about me. I won every time, well until the last time.
One thanksgiving my ex’s mom came to pick up my kids and never returned them. I had to drive eight hundred miles to pick them up, and when I did, there was another restraining order for me. This was their favorite tactic: filing restraining orders against me so they could keep the kids for extended periods of time and brainwash the kids extensively.
But this time the kids were alot older and the judge seriously considered their choice in the matter. By the time we got to court, I knew it was crazy to make them return to me. They’d just run away or refuse to come back next time. Finally, I made the decision to let them go and trust God with their lives.
I’m still trusting God. And my kids are still far from me emotionally. The years I have spent away from them has been difficult. I wanted to commit suicide several times, and I cried so many tears I probably formed a river up in heaven. The only way I got through it was hanging on to my faith in God, and by spending time in His presence. I also had a good friend that talked me through things, and I am forever grateful to him for his support.
My kids have changed alot. With me they were loving, respectful, and considerate. Now they are cold and living apart from the Lord’s influence. I still love them, but have moved on. I don’t think they’ll ever really return to me. They are happy and don’t seem to need or want me. Their grandma is their mom now.
I wanted to write this entry to briefly share my story, in hopes to encourage others. Things didn’t work out for me, but I am still with God. I hang on to Him still. He will never fail me or forsake me.
During the tough years, the Lord always told me to keep my eyes on Him, not on my kids hating me. That is my message to you: Focus on God. Trust Him. He is your life. You may or may not reconcile with your kids. Either way, God is good. All the time!
Last, God knows a thing or two about being alienated from kids. You see, He created all of us, and we have all forsaken Him by sinning against Him. Until we repent of our sins and begin to believe in and follow Jesus, we are alienated from Him in mind and spirit. The Master Parental Alienator, the devil, wants us eternally alienated from Father God and will do everything it takes for that to happen. Many of us submit to this spiritual alienation very willingly, as we hate God with our disobedience and refusal to believe in His loving Son, Jesus Christ.
God knows how it feels when your kids hate you. He goes through it every day. He created people in order to love them and be loved by them, yet billions in the past and now today on this earth refuse fellowship with Him. They love their sins and themselves, and don’t want anything to do with Abba Father. God has no choice but to let them die in their sins. So, He knows how you feel.
To become reconciled to God and join His awesome family, all you need to do is repent of your sins and put your faith in Jesus. He died for your sins so that you could have a relationship with God. He did away with the sins that separate you from Father God. Receive Him today. He loves you.
And to my kids: I love you and miss you. We had hard times together but we also had good times. I gave you God, and I can only hope you return to Him someday. He loves you so very, very much. As do I.