Home > Parents > Long Island Judge Gives ‘Up Close and Personal’ View of Parental Alienation

Long Island Judge Gives ‘Up Close and Personal’ View of Parental Alienation

June 10th, 2010 by Robert Franklin, Esq.

This article tells us that a Long Island judge has found Lauren Lippe (pictured in insert, right)  in contempt of court for alienating her two daughters from their father, Ted Rubin (pictured) (New York Post, 6/8/10).  The judge, Robert Ross, has scheduled a hearing to decide whether to change the couple’s custody agreement that gave primary custody to Lippe.  Lippe is to spend six weekends in jail this summer. 

To all those who pretend, in the face of ever-mounting evidence to the contrary, that parents don’t attempt to alienate children, please read this article which gives more of the details of the judge’s findings (Law.com, 6/8/10).  Suffice it to say that the contempt hearing took 23 days to complete. 

“The extensive record is replete with instances of attempts to undermine the relationship between the children and their father and replace him with her new husband, manipulation of defendant’s parenting access, utter and unfettered vilification of the defendant to the children, false reporting of sexual misconduct without any semblance of ‘good faith,’ and her imposition upon the children to fear her tirades and punishment if they embrace the relationship they want to have with their father.” 

Lippe seems to have started with garden-variety alienation. 

During the hearing, Mr. R. testified to dozens of occasions in which his ex-wife either interfered with his visitation rights or purposefully alienated the children from him. 

The judge described about a dozen such incidents or patterns in his eight-page decision. 

In the winter of 2007, for example, Ms. R. prevented Mr. R. from seeing his daughters for six weeks, Ross wrote. 

“I observed the plaintiff smirk in the courtroom as defendant emotionally related how he was deprived of spending Hanukkah with his children, and was relegated to lighting a menorah and watching his daughters open their grandparents’ presents in the back of his truck at the base of plaintiff’s driveway,” the judge wrote. 

Her evident pleasure at causing her ex-husband pain was powerful enough that she couldn’t control it in the courtroom before the judge who was to make important decisions about her immediate future and later the custody of her kids.  But that was small potatoes; Lippe soon moved on to far more serious allegations which Judge Ross called a “crescendo.” 

“Allegations that defendant had injured the child were found to be baseless and, by making such allegations, plaintiff needlessly subjected the child to an investigation by Child Protective Services, placing her own interests above those of the child,” Ross wrote. “This report was not made in ‘good faith’ — rather, the investigating agency warned the mother not to re-utilize the allegations and her children in her custodial litigation with the defendant.” 

In other words, Lippe ignored the pain and stress she was causing her children.  This was found to be true not only by Judge Ross, but by CPS as well. 

It’s worthwhile to look closely at what parental alienation really means, and this case, and Judge Ross’ findings allow us to do just that.  Above all, parental alienation is an attack on children.  It is an attack on their relationship with the other parent.  It is a sustained effort to deprive children of the love, affection, security, guidance and protection of the other parent.  If it succeeds, the child will not only miss those things, he/she will be afraid of the other parent who can provide them.  Beyond that, the child loses the many benefits of the extended family of the alienated parent.  Thus, paternal grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. will also be denied to the child. 

That’s what Judge Ross meant by saying Lippe placed “her own interests above those of the child.”  What long-term damage has been done to the two girls by their mother’s campaign against their father won’t be known for some time.  With luck, Ted Rubin nipped that in the bud by virtue of his refusal to give up in the face of the most humiliating tactics employed by his ex-wife. 

There are those who like to claim that parental alienation doesn’t happen, or, if it does, that it has no effect on kids.  But that’s ultimately a losing argument.  Cases like that of Ted Rubin and Lauren Lippe show it all too clearly.  And daily, there are others like it.  Each one adds to the mountain of evidence on parental alienation of children.  Psychologists deal with the problem every day; so do courts.  Those who want us to believe that parental alienation doesn’t happen stand on the train tracks of history. 

Categories: Parents
  1. June 14, 2010 at 8:54 PM

    This was the right decision by the judge and we were happy to publicize the news also. If you would like to see our blog on this subject please visit http://www.basilandspice.com/love-and-relationships/.

    Sincerely,

    mike jeffries
    Author, A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation

  2. June 23, 2010 at 6:15 PM

    It’s about time!!! I know those are the feelings of so many targeted (rejected)parents who have been fighting for years for justice in our family courts. This will never make up for the pain and the loss that this father and children have suffered at the hands of the mom but it is nice to see that Judges are finally starting to take notice of this form of child abuse. Parents who systematically interfere with the relationship their child has with the other parent should be treated by the same standard as any child abuser.

    We are just beginning to understand the long-term ramifications on these kids and it is a scary prospect. In his book Broken Children, Grown-up Pain Dr. Hegstrom describes what happens to children who endure rejection (real or perceived) before the age of puberty. Parental Alienation is rejection both real and perceived. These kids grow up and become the abusers in the next generation. Recently I did a blog post on a video on YouTube showing a young man from singapore abusing one of his classmates. My first question was what happened to this kid to make him act this way? And then I wondered could he have a child of Parental Alienation? Is there a connection between teen violence and Parental Alienation?

  3. Colleen
    July 27, 2010 at 9:07 PM

    Thank you Judge Ross. There are so many single mothers out there who beg to have a father be involved and get nothing but time in court chasing down money to survive. This is living proof that women do inflict pain on the lives of children for their own interest.

    I hope this case can cross borders to other judges who are torn on the bench for taking children away from mothers who use and abuse their ex husbands for money and control.

    Let’s set the children free to love and be loved.

  4. October 9, 2010 at 8:27 PM

    I am so glad that the Court supported this father!! Targeted parents everywhere are one step closer to stopping Parental Alienation. Most cases are not as severe as the one listed, and/or the children have bought into the alienating parent’s position.

    This case should be brought to the attention of the American Psychological Association, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) Task Force. The next edition is scheduled for release in 2013. Parental alienation is being considered. We need to submit stories where parental alienation is prevelant. The more submissions, the more likely they are going to take it seriously. This link gives information to contact the DSM Task Force:
    <a href="http://www.alienationhurts.org/contactDSM.html&quot; http://www.alienationhurts.org/contactDSM.html

  5. October 9, 2010 at 8:28 PM

    I am so glad that the Court supported this father!! Targeted parents everywhere are one step closer to stopping Parental Alienation. Most cases are not as severe as the one listed, and/or the children have bought into the alienating parent’s position.

    This case should be brought to the attention of the American Psychological Association, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) Task Force. The next edition is scheduled for release in 2013. Parental alienation is being considered. We need to submit stories where parental alienation is prevelant. The more submissions, the more likely they are going to take it seriously. This link gives information to contact the DSM Task Force:

    http://www.alienationhurts.org/contactDSM.html

  6. October 15, 2010 at 6:11 PM

    YES! Victory! Thrilled to find this news that finally someone in the courts is taking the issue of PAS seriously. So many children suffer terribly and the rejected parents are often ready to just give up, not knowing what else can be done. This is especially true when we hear of those who went to court and spent large sums in legal fees to no avail.
    I have no more money for legal fees, the divorce cleaned me out. With a more sensible legal system, a person in my shoes might do whatever it took to save the children from such madness. However, the controversy surrounding PAS has been such a bleak picture that to borrow money for legal fees just isn’t an option.
    This news is so encouraging. Thanks for monitoring such a helpful blog.

  7. October 15, 2010 at 7:23 PM

    Hi Carolan, thank you for your comment. I agree many children suffer and rejected parents do not know where to turn. And, as many target parents do not know how to respond, they are considered part of the problem. Some overreact and others give up after years of stress and unsuccessful attempts. To survive parental alienation, one almost has to be a perfect parent. I do not think anyone on the planet falls into the perfect category. Sadly, target parents are frequently blamed. It is disheartening that the issue is considered controversial. When groups and faulty reports cannot get past publications of the tender years presumption, division continues.

    You are also right about court costs. I think that is the reason some opt out of multiple proceedings. Some minority populations, i.g. women that have been stay at home mothers, do not have the funds to implement original orders (visitation etc.). Or, individuals that can afford legal assistance realize orders are not enforced. I am reminded of a study by Dr. Baker “Even when targeted parents had the resources to pursue legal action and were fortunate enough to prevail they were not able to take advantage of the rights afforded to them by the courts because alienating parents did not respect the court orders, the attorneys were not interested in or able to force the alienating parent into compliance. Apparently, once the alienating parent determined that this was the case, noncompliance became the order of the day” (2010).

    Another by Baker & Darnall (2007) discovered that courts poorly enforced visitation and at times, the visitation was not enforced at all. There are many more studies that indicate orders are not enforced. Alienating parents know they can get away with revenge. Unless education is widespread that this issue is not a normal reaction to divorce, and that not all children “outgrow” parental alienation, children will continue to suffer emotional bruising and target parents will be blamed.

  1. June 14, 2010 at 8:03 PM
  2. June 14, 2010 at 8:59 PM

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