Home > Uncategorized > Parental Alienation: Scams, Scapegoats & Schmucks?

Parental Alienation: Scams, Scapegoats & Schmucks?

Parental Alienation: Scams, Scapegoats & Schmucks?

Children believe in Santa Clause and the tooth fairy until they discover the truth. The reality of the characters  may be found on their own; other times, a parent informs his or her child. Then there is fear. Some children are afraid of the boogie man, the dark, or the neighbor’s dog. Obviously, there are situations when fear is reality based. If the child was bitten, he or she may fear the dog next door.  Then again, some fear the dog next door because mom (or dad) said all dogs will bite.  As the child gets older, he or she may believe other falsehoods.  They will also stumble upon unpleasant life events. As they approach adulthood, they may even buy into a scam.

The five foot six adolescent weighing ninety pounds may think she is fat.  Not only does she believe she is fat, she acts like she is fat. Frantic exercise and limited calories become the norm.  Parents and other loved ones  tell her otherwise, but her vision becomes reality. She recalls the time her so-called  best friend said she was fat. She believed the lie as she identified with her friend. She loved her friend. They spent time together. Consequently, she deprives herself of nutrients. She cuts out of her life a portion of the food pyramid. Ties are severed not only with fruits, but she vows to never eat a cookie again. She was scammed.

What does any of the aforementioned have to do with parental alienation? Scams.  There are numerous mislead groups that see emotional abuse as a fallacy. They have been scammed. In their reality, a parent cannot cause alienation (alienate defined as: a loss of affection or interest).  They certainly do not think that words alone, by a vindictive ex-spouse, could lead to estrangement (defined as: the development of indifference or hostility with consequent separation or divorcement). They reason if a child is hostile, the parent must have done something to deserve the treatment. Sometimes this is true. No one doubts that some parents are cruel. But, sometimes, it is not true.   

Some  do not consider that a disturbed parent can belittle the other, on purpose, in front of the child. They certainly do not believe that words alone could be the basis for a child to reject a parent. Words work very well for the ninety pound adolescent.  Words are clearly very destructive to bullied children.  Yet, some cannot comprehend, as they have been “bitten”, that a spiteful ex-spouse could plant seeds of doubt. They forget that an ex-spouse may rant for years that all dogs bite. Then, they are surprised, when the child kicks the dog, starves herself, destroys property, or claims you are no longer loved.

  When seeds of doubt are chronically watered; the child will drown.  The child will not only grow to reject you but will grow up and claim to hate you. The child may also hate your dog, your family and anything else related to you. Thus, is parental alienation  really a scam? It appears alienated children got scammed.  A scam is defined as: a fraudulent or deceptive act or operation. By this definition, most would agree that  alienating parents are deceptive. Some parents may have divorced a vindictive person. They found out the hard way– that they had been deceived. They may discover that they had married a schmuck.   Not only were they deceived but they find out his or her child has been deceived.

Ironically, words alone scam a lot of women (men too) into marrying someone who is simply not a nice person. No one disputes that it is unjust when PAS is used in court as a fraudulent act. Said another way, it is appalling to realize that in some cases an ex-spouse claimed PAS and custody was awarded to a physically abusive parent.  On the other hand,  they fail to consider that sometimes  abuse is “only” verbal. Please do not fall for the scam that verbal abuse is not damaging. Parental alienation is emotional abuse. Lastly,  do not buy into the warning from advocacy groups that emotional abuse is a tactic. Review the literature.

To a good mother who grieves the loss of her children’s love and respect, alienation is not “theoretical” and there is nothing in sounding the alarm about this form of emotional abuse that conflicts with advocating on behalf of victims of domestic violence.” Dr. Warshak, 2010

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. December 1, 2010 at 12:58 AM

    I only wish the courts would start realizing this! Or maybe they already do?In my case it seems the courts where looking to see who would have to pay the most support,they would end up being the non-custodial parent.Also the “system” would benefit from higher government matching support checks.Another thing is the “War” it starts in the courts…They know that parents would spend every last dime to protect their child.What a sick and twisted justice system!!

  2. December 1, 2010 at 1:54 AM

    Hi Gary, I agree that parental alienation, “the war” starts in the court. In my opinion, it does not end in the court. It is often just get started. Alienating parents know they can get away with not following the no badmouthing clause. If it is not physical abuse, no one seems to care. Also,court orders are not upheld. Multiple studies confirm that alienating parents will not adhere to court mandates. I also concur that parents would spend every last dime to protect his or her child. I am concerned about those that do not have a “dime” to spend. Alienation is worse for some women (men too) that have not been in the workforce and do not have job skills to earn a living wage. Consequently, some cannot pay to have any representation. Thus alienation goes unchecked and badmouthing continues. And, in some cases may lead to estrangement. Thank God for Dr. Warshak’s Divorce Poison, as his book is the only one that addresses how to respond when ones ex spouse refuses to co-parent. In addition, Dr. Amy Baker has a good program for middle school children. I cannot speak for any court, but I hope that parental alienation will soon be considered as a severe form of emotional abuse. And, that it will not be tolerated.

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