You Might Be An Alienated Parent If…
You Might Be An Alienated Parent If… (by Monika)
You might be an alienated parent if your seven-year old reports, “ I know the law; just wait till I am of age; I will tell the judge where I want to live. We are asking for full custody.”
You might be an alienated parent if your child removes household items such as DVDs, electronics, etc. Then, when confronting the child, he / she reports “I feel sorry for dad (or mom) they live alone and cannot make ends meet.” “We pawned the items (mom/dad) get over it.”
You might be an alienated parent if your five-year old reports they no longer have to obey your rules because “dad ( or mom) says so.” And “we think your rules are dumb.”
You might be a distressed and an alienated parent if your ex-partner refuses to co-parent and constantly belittles you to your child.
You might be a distressed and an alienated parent if your child complains about the meals you cook. But they don’t stop at complaining. Instead, they trash dinner. They call the other parent and report that “there is no decent food in the home.”
You might be a distressed and an alienated parent if you kindly ask your ex-spouse to please cease badmouthing. You point out that constant badmouthing is not in the child’s best interest. But, you discover they refuse to stop.
You might be a distressed and an alienated parent if your ex-spouse and his (or her) family do not understand the concept of boundaries. They share adult matters with adolescents and actually seek your adolescents advice. This is evidenced by your adolescent reporting, “yeah dad (or mom) and I have a good time; we talked about the reason his third girlfriend moved out.” And, “geez, mom (or dad) I sure feel so very sorry for her (or him).” And, as a consequence, your child is in constant distress. You understand this, but your ex-spouse and family do not; they have the same mentality as your adolescent. You wonder if insurance companies are the only ones that catch on, as full brain development does not stop at age 16. Insurance rates drop about age 25.
You might be a distressed and an alienated parent if you tell your eight year old they cannot watch the exorcist movie, rated R. Your eight year old informs you, “fine, I will watch the movie with (dad or mom) they will let me”…and the parent actually will.
You might be a distressed and an alienated parent if your eight-year old child develops nightmares after watching movies. You explain to your child that they should not watch such movies while at the other parent’s home. The child insists that “they are more mature than you understand.” Being the good co-parent you are, you call up your ex-spouse and discuss (or your try to discuss) that it is not a good idea to let the child view R rated movies. You are told, “ I am with them, what’s the harm; you are too strict.” Besides, “it’s my home when the child is with me.” And… you are not going to tell me how to raise my (son or daughter).
You might be a distressed and an alienated parent if you report these events but are informed, “ emotional abuse is hard to prove.” The next question, “is your child physically abused?” No you reply. Well, says the helper, “go read a good parenting book.” That day you read an advocacy group’s stance that your issue–the emotional abuse of your child, is not a “real” problem because children would not reject a parent without a good reason. Coercive control only works with grown adults, not susceptible children, right?
You might be distressed, disgruntled, and an alienated parent if you attempt to seek help for your child. Some say parental alienation is not a “real problem” that it is nothing more than a “normal reaction to a divorce.” Your advice is to “ take the high-road, most children will outgrow alienation.”
You might be a distressed, disgruntled, and an alienated parent if you end back up in court to enforce orders that are not followed. Your co-parent refuses to adhere to any parenting plan or other mandates—he or she is above the law. They refuse to return the children on time or assist with paying for school lunches. You are informed, “you just need to get along with your co-parent.” You try to explain that you have bent over backwards in trying to work with your ex-spouse. You may start to think that they have “Heard one case, so they have heard them all.”
You might be a distressed, disgruntled, down-trodden and an alienated parent if the experience of parental alienation has occurred for over 15 years. In fact, it went on for so long, one or more of your children no longer will speak with you. You scratch your head wondering if the brand new car (dad or mom) said they could have if they tore up your property and moved in with them, had anything to do with your child’s change of heart.
You might be a distressed, disgruntled, down-trodden and an alienated parent if you attempt to explain the situation but others scratch their head, suspiciously question you, and reply “well… some kids are resilient to badmouthing and brainwashing—wonder why your child is not?”
You might be a distressed, disgruntled, down-trodden and an alienated parent if you did the best you could. No you were not perfect. But, you were at least an average parent. You know your day-to-day routine would be okay if you were still married. But once the campaign of denigration started, you had to become almost a perfect parent. You grew a little weary.